Valkyrie Bestiary

Doing Our Best to Care for the Fae

No Coco Crunches for Pookas!

April 20, 2079

It’s easy to underestimate pookas. They’re so stinking cute with their big eyes and twitching antenna ears. Don’t be fooled. Critter wrangler rule number ten: cute kills just as much as ugly. 

To be fair, under normal circumstances, the worst a pooka would do is steal your lunch. They are always hungry despite their whip-thin frames. And they never stop twitching, dancing, or tapping their toes. Watching a pooka stand still is like watching a hummingbird hover over a flower—they vibrate with potential energy. Potentially explosive energy. This state of constant agitation takes a lot of fuel. They spend about eight hours a day eating, and another eight scrounging for food. 

The real trouble happens when a pooka gets hold of certain substances that react badly with its brain chemistry. Chocolate for one. Caffeine is another. These substances are carefully controlled anyway because of their rarity. But any reputable shop keeper or restauranteur knows not to sell them to a pooka. A diligent business owner will make sure that cocoa and coffee wastes are disposed of properly. Pookas like to dumpster dive, and that can lead to disaster.

The east end fire of ’76 comes to mind. 

My pest control business was finally starting to take off that year. I’d won a couple of jobs through Hub, our local police force/militia/judiciary. I was earning myself a reputation as the person to call when you’ve got something wild and whacky on your hands. So when Hub found two pookas hopped up on Coco Crunches, they called me. By the time I made it across town to Jarry Street, the old flea market was in flames. Crazed pookas had gone on a rampage, turning over tables and garbage cans. It was cold, even for November. A vendor had been using a kerosene heater to keep warm. The pookas knocked it over, and well, it was a hot time in the old town that night. 

Twenty-four people died. The market was decimated and has never been rebuilt. 

To this day, when I get a call about a pooka, I take it seriously. 

I'd love to hear your experiences with pookas, especially if you have any tips or tricks for apprehending or neutralizing a strung-out pooka. Comment below.

Comments (9)

We had pookas living in our barn for a season. They were nesting while the female gave birth. My mom used to give them sweet tea and biscuits. They were very polite. We had no problem with them and they moved on at the end of the spring. Of course, we haven’t had chocolate here since…ever. Is it really as good as they say?
Homestead-mage499 (April 20, 2079)

Ooh! I’ve never seen a baby pooka. Was it cute? And yes, chocolate is divine. I treated myself to a bite of milk chocolate for my last birthday.
Valkyrie367 (April 20, 2079)

Soooo cute. There was a litter of three little fluff balls with ridonkulous ears.
Homestead-mage499 (April 20, 2079)

Vet here. I use a pheromone nebulizer for anxious kitties in the exam room. Maybe you could rig something like that to help with crazed pookas?
NorthShoreAnimalHospital (April 21, 2079)

Hmmm. That’s an interesting idea. I have some alchemist friends who might be able to help me with that.
Valkyrie367 (April 21, 2079)

Your a waste of good air. Your blog should be flagged for stirrin up hate cause now everyone I know is going to want to go out huntin pookas. If someone gets shot in the crossfire, thats on you.
PercivalPapa (April 21, 2079)

…“everyone I know is going to want to go out hunting pookas” ??? Maybe you’re hanging around with the wrong crowd.
Valkyrie367 (April 21, 2079)

How many pookas does it take to change a light bulb? None. They’re too stupid to change lightbulbs. Better to roast them over a low fire. A little sweet chipotle sauce is tasty with pooka.
BigGameGuy (April 21, 2079)

Sigh. I’m shutting off comments.
Valkyrie367 (April 21, 2079)