Conies, bunnies with spunk
June 28, 2084 
If you read Watership Down as a child, raise your hand. Probably not a lot of you. It was an old book when I was a kid. I never really understood why it was considered a children’s book. It scared the pants off me.
Maybe that’s why when I encountered a colony of conies recently, I felt the cold hand of dread squeeze my guts.
Sure, they’re cute as all get out with their long, fuzzy ears and twitchy noses. And who doesn’t love a fluffy critter holding a bladed weapon? It makes you want to blubber, “Who’s dat widdle, bitty wabbit with the widdle bitty spear.”
Good thing I didn’t. Turns out “widdle bitty” weapons can hurt just as much as others. And conies know how to use them.
So here’s what I know about conies. Please add your experience and additional information in the comments below.
The word coney comes from the Gallic. It basically just means rabbit. But like grimalkin (old Scottish for cat) it has come to take on a more fae meaning. The name coney was given to the colonies of intelligent rabbits that popped up in the old American northeast after the wars.
Conies stand about as tall as jackrabbits. They have long, wide ears that normally hang at their sides but perk up when danger is near.
Some zoologists have suggested that conies communicate telepathically with each other in a sort of hive mind. Certainly, when I encountered them, they acted quickly and decisively as one unit, but I suspect their communication is more like a bee colony’s, with a superior sense of body language and possibly pheromones used to instantly relay messages to a large hive.
I’m not sure if conies are an ancient species that lay dormant through the industrial age or if they came through a crack in the veil during the wars. We may never know.
One thing I can definitely attest to is that they revere their dead and don’t appreciate having them disturbed. If you find yourself in the middle of a coney colony, tread carefully.
Comments (12)
But the big question is are they better with a BBQ rub or sauce?
BigGameGuy (June 28, 2084)
Yeah, yeah. You’re very tough. Go polish your guns. I hope you shoot yourself in the foot.
Valkyrie367 (June 28, 2084)
:o
Cchedgewitch (June 28, 2084)
Conies are very smart. My Da used to hunt them for their pelts. Until one day, a bunch of them came to our homestead and asked him to return the pelts of their dead. Ma served them tea. It was all very weird, but Da never hunted a coney again.
InSteadGirl6759 (June 29, 2084)
I’m glad your family welcomed them. We could use more such open communications with the creatures out there. I’m sorry to say, I didn’t make much of an impression as an ambassador.
Valkyrie367 (June 29, 2084)
What’s an ambassador?
InSteadGirl6759 (June 29, 2084)
It’s a person from one nation or culture who visits another nation or culture with the aim of opening communication between the two groups.
Valkyrie367 (June 29, 2084)
Like the tinker man who travels from homestead to homestead?
InSteadGirl6759 (June 29, 2084)
Conies are a real threat to homestead life because they breed like…well, like rabbits. The only communication I want from them is the screams I hear when I shove napalm into their tunnels.
Gadgeteer (June 29, 2084)
I hope that is rhetorical napalm. If not, I hope you’re ready for the wrath of bunnies that is about to come down on you. Wait, no. I don’t hope that. I hope the conies rip you a new one.
Valkyrie367 (June 29, 2084)
Wow, Valkyrie367 that’s the meanest thing I’ve ever seen you print.
InSteadGirl6759 (June 29, 2084)
Sorry. I have a lot on my mind right now. Peace to all.
Valkyrie367 (June 29, 2084)